Grief During the Holidays: Gentle Ways to Get Through
Grief During the Holidays: Gentle Ways to Get Through
The holidays magnify an empty chair. The songs, the traditions, the gatherings that once brought joy can press on a fresh loss until the whole season feels like something to survive rather than celebrate. If you are facing a holiday without someone you love, this guide offers gentle, realistic ways to cope — permission to grieve on your own terms, ideas for holding space for the person who is gone, and small ways to carry them with you through the days that hurt the most.
How do you cope with grief during the holidays?
Coping with grief during the holidays begins with lowering your expectations and giving yourself permission to feel however you feel. Decide in advance which traditions you want to keep, which you want to change, and which you want to skip this year — you are allowed to say no to gatherings, and you are allowed to leave early. Make room for the person who is gone rather than pretending the day is normal: light a candle for them, set a place at the table, share a favourite story, cook their recipe, or hang an ornament in their memory. Tell the people around you what you need, whether that is company, quiet, or simply for someone to say their name. Plan for the hard moments — grief often comes in waves and can ambush you between the joyful parts — and build in escape routes and rest. Do something kind in their memory, such as a donation or a small tradition of giving. And remember there is no correct way to grieve a holiday; getting through it, in whatever shape that takes, is enough.
Why the holidays hurt so much
Grief and the holidays collide in a particularly cruel way. The season is built on togetherness, tradition and memory — the very things that make an absence roar. Every carol, every empty seat, every "this is how we always do it" points to the person who is missing. On top of that, there is pressure to appear festive when you feel anything but, and the exhaustion of navigating gatherings and expectations. If this year feels harder than you imagined, nothing is wrong with you. Our guides to how to deal with grief and how long grief lasts can reassure you that waves of pain at a milestone are entirely normal.
Gentle ways to get through
You do not have to do the holidays the way you always have. Choose what helps and let go of the rest:
- Decide in advance which traditions to keep, change or skip this year. Nothing is forever — you are choosing for this holiday only.
- Give yourself an exit. Say yes to what you can manage and allow yourself to leave early or decline entirely, without guilt.
- Name what you need to the people around you — company, quiet, or simply for someone to say your loved one's name out loud.
- Plan for the waves. Grief often ambushes you between the happy moments; build in rest and quiet corners to retreat to.
- Lower the bar. Getting through the day is a full and worthy goal. Perfect is not the assignment.
Making space for the person who is gone
Trying to avoid the grief usually makes it louder. Many people find more peace in gently inviting their loved one into the celebration:
- Light a candle for them at the meal, or keep one burning through the day; our guide to the memorial candle offers ideas.
- Set a place at the table, or raise a toast in their name.
- Cook their recipe or serve their favourite dish, so a taste of them is present.
- Hang an ornament or keepsake in their memory, or start a new small tradition that belongs to them.
- Share the stories. Invite everyone to tell one memory — laughter and tears are both welcome.
If someone you love is grieving this season
If it is not you but someone close who faces a holiday without their person, your presence is the gift. Say the name of the one who died rather than avoiding it — most grieving people long to hear it. Invite them, but hold the invitation loosely, letting them come, leave or decline without explanation. Offer specific help rather than "let me know if you need anything": drop off a meal, sit with them, take a task off their plate. And do not expect them to be festive or "over it." A card, a call, or a simple "I'm thinking of you and them today" can be the thing that carries someone through. Our grief support resources can help you point them toward further care.
A place to gather them close, any day you miss them
When the holidays make the missing sharp, it helps to have somewhere to go to be with them. A free digital memorial page gathers a lifetime in one place — photographs across the years, videos, the music they loved, and every story your family chooses to add from anywhere. Some families visit it together on the hardest days, adding a new memory or reading old ones aloud. It becomes a way to include the person who is gone in the season, and a comfort to return to whenever the ache arrives.
It is free to create and takes about five minutes. A QR plaque is optional and comes later — the page is the heart of it.
Create a free memorial page
Carry them with you, all year
A digital memorial page is free to create — start free and gather a lifetime of photos, video and stories, then share the link so family and friends can add their own memories from wherever they are. For families who want a lasting marker too, an optional QR memorial plaque links the same page to a headstone or garden stone with a single scan (you will see the current price on the product page). The holidays come and go; the page holds them close through every season.
Grief during the holidays — FAQ
Start by lowering your expectations and letting yourself feel whatever comes. Decide in advance which traditions to keep, change or skip this year, and give yourself permission to decline gatherings or leave early. Make space for the person who is gone — light a candle, set a place, cook their recipe, share a story — rather than pretending the day is normal. Tell the people around you what you need, plan for the waves of grief that arrive between the joyful moments, and build in rest. Doing something kind in their memory can help too. There is no right way; getting through it is enough.
The holidays are built on togetherness, tradition and memory — exactly the things that make an absence roar. Familiar songs, empty seats and long-held rituals all point straight to the person who is missing. There is also pressure to appear festive when you feel anything but, plus the tiredness of navigating gatherings and other people's expectations. Anniversaries and milestones commonly bring grief back in waves even long after a loss, so a hard holiday does not mean you are going backwards. It means you are missing someone at a time built for being together.
That is entirely your choice, and you can decide differently each year. Some people find comfort in keeping familiar traditions because they feel like continuity and connection; others find certain rituals too painful and prefer to change or pause them for a while. You might keep the traditions that still feel good, adapt others, and set some aside this year — all of that is valid. You are allowed to start something new too, like a tradition that honours the person who died. Choose what brings comfort rather than what you feel you should do.
There are many gentle ways to include them. Light a candle for them at the meal or keep one burning through the day, set a place at the table or raise a toast in their name, and cook their favourite recipe so a taste of them is present. Hang an ornament or keepsake in their memory, share stories so everyone hears their name, or start a small new tradition that belongs to them, such as a donation or an act of kindness in their honour. Many families also gather around a shared memorial page to add and read memories together.
Your presence matters more than the perfect words. Say the name of the person who died rather than avoiding it — most grieving people long to hear it. Invite them to gatherings but hold the invitation loosely, letting them come, leave or decline without needing to explain. Offer specific help instead of a vague 'let me know if you need anything' — drop off a meal, sit with them, take a task off their plate. Do not expect them to be festive or 'over it.' A card, a call or a simple 'I'm thinking of you and them today' can carry someone through a hard day.
Yes, completely. Feeling moments of joy, laughter or peace does not betray the person who died or mean you are grieving wrong. Grief and joy can live side by side, and many people are surprised by a laugh in the middle of their sorrow — that is healthy, not disloyal. Likewise, feeling nothing but sadness is also okay. There is no correct emotional script for the holidays after a loss. Let the feelings come as they come, without judging yourself for any of them, and treat both the tears and the smiles as part of loving someone.
Give yourself somewhere to be with them this season.
Start a free memorial page so you and everyone who loved them can gather their photos and stories, and keep them part of the holidays and every day between.