In Lieu of Flowers: Wording & Ideas
In Lieu of Flowers: Wording & Meaningful Ideas
If you're writing the obituary or service notice and want to suggest something other than flowers, you're in the right place. Below are plain-English wording examples you can copy and adapt — for a charity, a memorial fund, a cause they cared about, or a memory added to their memorial page.
What does "in lieu of flowers" mean?
"In lieu of flowers" means "instead of flowers." It's a gentle request, usually added to an obituary or funeral notice, asking people to honor the person another way — most often by donating to a charity or memorial fund, but it can also mean planting a tree, performing an act of kindness, or adding a memory to a memorial page. It's a suggestion, never a rule, and flowers are still welcome unless the family says otherwise.
Why families ask for something other than flowers
Flowers are a loving tradition, and there's nothing wrong with them. But many families choose "in lieu of flowers" because they'd rather see kindness directed somewhere lasting. A bouquet fades in a week; a donation to the hospice that cared for them, a tree that grows for decades, or a story added to a memorial page stays. It also gives mourners a meaningful way to participate — something to do with their grief — and it can spare a small home from rooms full of arrangements no one has the heart to throw away.
The phrase does a lot of quiet work in just a few words. Below, we'll cover what to write, where to point donations, and the kinder alternatives families are choosing now — including one that costs nothing and grows over time: inviting people to add a photo or memory to a free digital memorial page.
In lieu of flowers: wording examples
Ready-to-use lines grouped by where you're directing people. Swap in the names, fund, or charity that fits — and keep whichever tone feels like your family.
Add a memory to the memorial page
The line that grows for years: "In lieu of flowers, the family invites you to share a photo or memory on [Name]'s memorial page at scan2remember.com — so their story stays alive for all of us." Create the page free.
Donate to a charity
"In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name], a cause close to [Name]'s heart." Or shorter: "In lieu of flowers, please consider a gift to [Charity Name]."
Contribute to a memorial fund
"In lieu of flowers, the family has established the [Name] Memorial Fund to support [purpose]. Contributions may be sent to [address / link]."
Support a cause they loved
"In lieu of flowers, please donate to a charity supporting [animal welfare / cancer research / veterans / your local library] in memory of [Name]." Let people pick within the cause.
Give to the hospice or hospital
"In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made to [Hospice / Hospital Name], in gratitude for the care they gave [Name]."
Plant a tree in their name
"In lieu of flowers, please plant a tree, or give to [tree-planting organization], so something living grows in [Name]'s memory."
Perform an act of kindness
"In lieu of flowers, [Name] would have asked you to do one quiet kindness for a stranger — and, if you wish, tell us about it on their memorial page."
Give to a charity of your choice
"In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the charity of your choice in memory of [Name]." The gentlest option when the family has no single cause in mind.
Donations or flowers — either is welcome
"Flowers are welcome, or, in lieu of flowers, a donation to [Charity Name] would be deeply appreciated." Removes any pressure either way.
Short "in lieu of flowers" lines for a notice
If your obituary or notice is tight on space, these one-line versions say it cleanly. Each is ready to drop in — just add the name, fund, or charity.
- "In lieu of flowers, please donate to [Charity Name]."
- "In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions to [Fund Name] are appreciated."
- "The family requests donations to [Charity Name] in lieu of flowers."
- "In lieu of flowers, please consider a gift to a cause [Name] loved."
- "In lieu of flowers, share a memory of [Name] at scan2remember.com."
- "In lieu of flowers, plant a tree or perform a kindness in [Name]'s memory."
The line that keeps giving back: instead of (or alongside) a donation, invite people to add a photo or memory to a free memorial page. It costs nothing, gathers the stories you'll want for years, and lets faraway friends take part.
Create a free memorial pageHow to phrase it politely
The fear behind this phrase is always the same: will it sound ungrateful or demanding? It won't, if you keep three things in mind. The wording is a kindness to mourners, not a rule, so the softer it sounds, the better it lands.
- Use "in lieu of," "instead of," or "rather than" — all are warm and standard. "No flowers" alone can read as curt; pairing it with a positive request fixes that.
- Invite, don't instruct. "Please consider," "the family would appreciate," and "if you wish" leave people free to choose. Avoid "do not send."
- Give one clear path. Name the charity, fund, or page so no one has to guess. A link or address removes the awkward follow-up questions.
- It's okay to allow both. "Flowers are welcome, or a donation to [Charity]" reassures the people for whom flowers are how they grieve.
If you're drafting the full notice, our guide on how to write an obituary walks through where this line goes (usually the closing paragraph, after service details) and how to word the rest.
Choosing where donations go
If you're asking for donations, the choice matters more than the amount — a well-chosen cause turns every gift into a small tribute. A few gentle ways to land on the right one:
- Follow what they loved. A lifelong gardener, a rescue-dog person, a music teacher — the cause that mirrors their life feels truest, and people who knew them will smile reading it.
- Honor who cared for them. Hospices, hospital wings, and care teams rely on donations and rarely get thanked. It's a way to close the circle of their final chapter.
- Keep it specific and reachable. Name the organization and give a link or address. If you're raising for a family need, a clearly labeled memorial fund avoids any confusion.
- Let donors choose if you're unsure. "A charity of your choice in memory of [Name]" is always gracious and never wrong.
And remember: a gift doesn't have to be money. A tree, an hour volunteered, a kindness paid forward, or a memory added to a memorial page are all real ways to honor someone — covered next.
Meaningful alternatives to flowers
If your family would rather suggest something other than a donation, these are the alternatives people find most meaningful.
A memorial fund
A named fund — for a scholarship, a cause, or a family need — turns scattered gifts into one lasting thing in their name. Add it to the notice with a link or address.
Plant a tree
Something living that outgrows grief. A single tree in the yard, or a gift to a planting charity that puts many in the ground in their memory.
An act of kindness
Ask people to do one quiet kindness in their honor — and, if they'd like, share what they did. It spreads the person's spirit further than any bouquet could.
Photos & stories on a memorial page
Invite everyone to add a photo or memory to a free digital memorial page. It gathers what you'd otherwise lose, and stays for years.
If you're the one receiving the news
If you've read "in lieu of flowers" in someone's notice and want to honor it well, follow the family's lead exactly — give to the charity they named, contribute to the fund, or add a memory to the page they linked. A note still matters too: our guide on what to write in a sympathy card helps you say something real alongside your gift.
And if you're looking for a keepsake that carries a story rather than a single bloom, our memorial gift ideas cover gifts that hold meaning long after the service. Whichever you choose, doing the thing the family asked for — quietly and without fuss — is the kindest response of all.
"In lieu of flowers, share a memory"
It's the one request that gives something back. A free digital memorial page holds their photos, videos, and story — and anyone who reads the notice can add their own. Faraway friends who couldn't send flowers can still take part, and the page stays long after the service, for the family to return to.
It's free to create and takes about five minutes. Set it up, drop the link in the notice, and let the memories arrive.
Create a free memorial page
In lieu of flowers FAQ
"In lieu of flowers" simply means "instead of flowers." It's a gentle request in an obituary or funeral notice asking people to honor the person another way — usually a donation to a charity or memorial fund, but it can also mean planting a tree, doing a kindness, or adding a memory to a memorial page. It's a suggestion, not a rule.
Add a short line to the notice, usually after the service details. A simple version: "In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to [Charity Name]." Use inviting wording like "please consider" or "the family would appreciate," and name one clear place to give — a charity, a memorial fund, or a memorial page link.
Not at all — it's very common and widely understood. To keep it warm, pair the request with a positive alternative rather than just saying "no flowers." For example, "In lieu of flowers, donations to [Charity] are appreciated" reads as a kind invitation, not a refusal.
Common alternatives include a donation to a charity or memorial fund, a gift to the hospice or hospital that provided care, planting a tree, performing an act of kindness in the person's memory, or contributing photos and stories to their digital memorial page. Follow whatever the family suggested in the notice.
State it as a gentle request and name one clear cause: "In lieu of flowers, memorial donations may be made to [Charity Name]." Include a link or address so giving is easy. If you'd rather not name a single charity, "a charity of your choice in memory of [Name]" is always gracious.
Yes — it's one of the most meaningful alternatives, and it's free. Instead of (or alongside) a donation, invite people to add a photo or memory to the person's memorial page: "In lieu of flowers, the family invites you to share a memory on [Name]'s memorial page." It costs nothing, gathers stories you'd otherwise lose, and stays for years.
"In lieu of flowers, share a memory." Set up the page free, in 5 minutes.
Create a memorial page, add the link to the notice, and let everyone who loved them add a photo or story.